Q: What comes after 69?

A: Mouthwash.

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: "Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you."

The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.

The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die."

The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hell were you when I got married last week?"

Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?

A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.

Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?
A: All Ken's stuff.

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court.

"Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me."

"I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was Goofy."

Booty Call: Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?

Q: How do you get a Michigan girl in an elevator?

Q: Why did the tomato blush?

A: Because it saw the salad dressing.